Saturday, October 3, 2009

Feeling Frank's Loss by Richard Warren

I found Frank to be a very open individual with a warm and dry humor. He was always trying to “gig” others whom he liked and loved being gigged back in return. I thought of him as a combination of imp, leprechaun, and elf with a little gremlin thrown in.

He was always ready, willing and able to offer and give me help and advice. He was a very devoted son to his 89 year old mother, Mamie. My wife, Yvette, and I worked with Mamie this year in planting a vegetable garden on her property. Frank and Frank’s son were always available to till soil with their tractor, when requested.

I last spoke to Frank 2 days ago. I was in his mother’s back yard picking field peas. He had come over to check on her, but she was off getting physical therapy. He drove out to the field in his ‘rice burner car’ and asked me if the battery in my truck was really good. I said that it was, and he replied the he figured it was since I had left my lights on (a classic Frank style gig). We then talked about the grapes in the yard, and he commented that this was going to be a very good year for the grapes. Frank certainly loved the outdoors, the mountains, and active involvement in as many things as possible.

We then talked about corn shocks for the Autumn Gold Festival. I volunteered to make the shocks using the corn stalks in his mother’s garden but had not found the proper twine yet. He immediately volunteered that he had twine at home, and that I should drop by and pick it up. While in the garden, I also harvested carrots.

I washed the carrots last night, and I picked some nice ones for Mamie. Ironically, I was at her house earlier this afternoon to give them to her when ambulances and police cars with sirens blaring speeded by her house on Hwy 68. I commented to her “I don’t know what that's all about, but I hope they do OK”. She replied adamantly “Me too”. She found out later what had happened when the Baerrises came over and broke the news.

You can’t ‘make sense ‘out of something like this. We can only fall back on our belief systems, accept the loss and go on. We hope that, with time, the pain will fade and all the good memories will emerge and comfort us. We think ‘He died at a bad time’ a good man in good health doing good things’. But, is there ever a good time for a man like Frank to die? I don’t think there is. In the Jewish belief system, it is believed that when one dies, he leaves behind his good deeds. In Frank’s case this would clearly indicate a very successful life.

When I face losses like this, I cope by imagining plausible reasons for their occurrence. In Frank’s case I think his case just came up for review by HE WHO IS IN CHARGE. HE reviewed the record and saw a lifetime of public service, a great deal of help for his fellow man, a loving husband, a loving and dutiful son, a loving father, and few, if any, ‘problems’. HE then noted that Frank had several years of insulin dependent diabetes and was developing problems (blindness in one eye). HE noted that Frank was due for some serious diabetic complications with chronic pain and disability.

HE then checked on Frank’s status and found that he was operating a tractor on a beautiful day doing work for a very worthy cause that he loved, and was with many very close friends. HE then decided “Perfect. I’m flipping your tractor, Frank. See you in a minute”. This may be fanciful, but it helps me. It’s my truth and I’m sticking to it.