Monday, November 16, 2009

Processing the Passion

Whew! I think I have a hangover – and I don’t mean of the alcohol withdrawal kind. All that emotion in such a short time is enough to make my head and heart explode. One of the best things about retirement is that it gives me the gift of time. Even though Richard didn’t retire until he had his near-death heart attack, I was able to retire as soon as Richard “adopted” me. I stayed busy with volunteer work with family and the community, but I was able to pull back and process whenever I felt the need.

For a while after Hurricane Katrina, I forgot about that need for processing time. After this past year of emotional roller coaster rides, I finally put my passions on hold for a two-week period last summer while I floated on a sea of pure pain. For me, even the pleasures of life can be so intense that they explode my over-full heart. Richard has a friend who used to tell me that she had to take breaks from conversations with me because she would become “over-stimulated.” Elaine has told me that I make people tired. Well, imagine if I make other people emotionally exhausted how I make myself feel.

Elaine and I relaxed together for a couple of days before everyone else descended on her. Richard and I were on call for the next couple of days, in case Elaine needed a back-up band of buddies for her pageant production. She really had everything under control, so we took a break the morning of the wedding to take a trip with Scott and Buffy. Nicholas was playing in the last game of his pee-wee league football season. We jumped at the chance to see him and his sister Miya, with the fairy princess hair. , That night, Rachel’s family joined us on the dance floor, where Sarah twirled in her sparkly party dress, and all the young marrieds did some version of mildly dirty dancing. Elaine, Rosita and I have known each other since we were fourteen. At receptions end, we three couples who call ourselves “los tres amigos y amigas ” toasted the end of the party in Elaine’s room -- as we began planning for Rosita and Eddie’s daughter’s wedding in less than a year.

I had planned to stay in family visit mode for two and a half weeks, which would include a visit to my Aunt Mabel on the bayou to wish her a happy eightieth birthday. Lucky for me, Richard insisted on us taking a mental health break between the big, fat Italian wedding and the big, fat family feast for Thanksgiving at Scott’s house in Mississippi.

All the way home, I let the shimmering bubbles of memories of the five-day trip float across my consciousness and pop into magical memories lodged in my brain. It was a nine-hour trip, but I know I’ll be floating for days. Thank goodness, all I have to do this next five days is prepare Christmas packages for family that we’ll see during Thanksgiving week.