Over fifteen hundred people, from infants-in-arms to the contemporaries of his almost-ninety-year-old mother, stood in the rain for up to three hours to pay our respects to Frank’s family. When you consider that the total population of Coker Creek is estimated to be less than three thousand, it puts these numbers into perspective. People from all over East Tennessee came to say good-bye to Frank and offer love and help to his family.
After we buried Frank, we ate lunch with many of the people we’ve met since moving to Coker Creek. These mountain folk sure can cook. You never saw such an array of locally grown vegetables on one buffet table. Frank sure would have enjoyed it.
When I mentioned to Frank’s cousin, Ralph, that I knew he and Frank were like brothers, he responded, “No, we were brothers.” He then pulled up his sleeve, and displayed a scar on his wrist. When he and Frank were twelve years old, they had become blood brothers by cutting themselves in identical places and mingling their blood. Isn’t it funny that, even though they shared blood as first cousins, they felt it necessary to seal their bond with an observable physical sharing of blood?
My friend Elaine and I shared a similar ritual when we were fourteen years old. Sometimes it’s important to be able to choose the blood that you’ll defend to the death.
Ralph went on to explain that even though he and Frank fought incessantly, an hour after every fight they’d be begging to spend the night at each other’s houses. He recounted the almost disaster that put a stop to the rock throwing part of their fights. It seems that a rock thrown by Ralph ricocheted off a stone on the ground and sailed directly into Frank’s eye. Frank had to wear an eye patch for several weeks, but his sight was saved. Ralph said they never “rocked each other again”. I often marvel that any of our sons make it to manhood.
My baby brother Albert used to fight incessantly with our next door neighbor, Bert. When Albert was about six years old, I asked him who his best friend was. “Bert LeBlanc,” he answered. “How could Bert be your best friend? Y’all fight all the time,” was my reply. “Well, that’s why he’s my best friend. He’s the only one who’ll fight with me.” -- This from a boy who had three older brothers, and four older, and one younger sister. Maybe that is the true test of friendship: Caring enough to help each other build strength through conflict and reconciliation.
Maybe it’s like the old song goes, “You always hurt the one you love.”
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Robbie has a best friend at daycare. His best friend bites him every other day. Robbie has begun to retaliate. Now I'm getting letters and Reports from the daycare. This story put my mind at ease. I was getting a little worried about how Robbie's freinds behavior was affecting him. This let me know that it is normal boy behavior. Thanks for posting it.
ReplyDeleteI think boys begin sparring with each other very early kind of like puppies do with their biting each other's heads and wrestling. It seems to be important to have an alpha dog around to train them in the rules of the pack. This seems to be the case with some cats, also. Did you ever see Lion King?
ReplyDeleteSomething else --
ReplyDeleteThere are kids who are bullies from the beginning. Don't let Robbie be victimized. There are rules in daycare about biters. Make sure you make it clear to the daycare center that Robbie is only retaliating, and that you want something done about the instigator. You don't want Robbie to become a copy-cat bully when this is not his disposition. Get his alpha male (your dad) involved if you have to.
Oh yes,
ReplyDeleteI wrote them a long letter about them asking me what is going on at home, when I know his behavior is a result of what he is learning at daycare. This freind of his is almost two, so he is a few months older than Robbie is. Robbie is still bigger than every one year old in his class, even all the ones that are older than he is, so he is defending himself very well now...too well. They used to tell me he was the best behaved boy in the class, and the only one that does not bite. Now they tell me that they 'had to' report his change in behavior, but that it is not anything out of the ordinary--it's just that they have never seen him act like this before. Robbie had bit the friend who was biting him on the face, one day, after five months of coming home with bite marks. Since then, he has been placing himself as the alpha dog in the one year old class. For the most part he does not use a meathod of biting, he has the strength to defend himself in other ways. Of course, I'm not encouraging bad behavior, but Im still understanding of his position. He can't be the best behaved boy, and getting picked on all the time. He is going to defend himself eventually. The daycare needs to work on fixing all the kids behavior, and not focus on Robbie, just because he is bigger and stronger.
I hope the daycare center gets their act together. My godchild was asked to leave three daycare centers before his mother pitched a big enough fit that the third one fixed the problem some other way. My godchild was also the biggest, strongest, and sweetest.
ReplyDeleteAll the kids still love Robbie. His freind Elijah does too. The daycare needs to correct these situations by making the workers pay more attention. They can't turn him into a fighter and then throw him out, just to have another daycare think poorly of him. I am very much on top of this. This blog helped me cope with my feelings about the situation. Thanks.
ReplyDelete