Modern Marriage

I remember when we used to all assume that marriage meant the same things to everyone, and everyone struggled to play the roles assigned to them in the play. Then, Women’s Lib came along and we admitted that not all men can overhaul a carburetor, and not all women are natural nurturers. We now have women going off to war, and men who are quite comfortable with being “Mr. Mom.”

We discovered something remarkable along the way. Men and women can actually stand toe-to-toe as friends. There are lots of jobs to be done in maintaining a family, and someone has to do each job. It may not work in society at large, but in families, the Marxist doctrine of “from each according to their abilities; to each according to their needs” may be better than pretending that the magic of love solves all problems -- and cleans the bathrooms, to boot.

Life is an adventure, and family life is even more so. We need to hold tight to a buddy’s hand as we go into each dark cave of the unknown. Briton and Jeanne have worked as a couple for years now. They know each others abilities and disabilities. They’ve held each others hands and laughed and cried as they fell down, got back up, dusted each other off, and tried again.

I wish we could help them write a contract addressing everything they will face as a couple, but none of us ever know what life will throw our way. What I do know is that we need to continue being there for them as they progress through life as a family. We need to let them know that we still “have their backs.” And they need to continue to be the best of friends.

I know a lot of people think that the golden rule is a great way to run a relationship. I disagree, especially since some of my friends are as thick as bricks about what I want and need. If we do unto others as we would have them do unto us, I may be getting tickets to the Saints game when I’d really rather a day strolling along the lake.

I don’t expect my server in restaurant to guess what I’m in the mood to eat; why would I expect my friends to do so? Richard is fond of saying, “I’ll give you whatever you want; just tell me what you want.” This goes both ways. In everything we undertake as a team, we assign officer and enlisted status, based on whose project we’re doing. Then the officer has to define very clearly how to achieve the desired goal. Makes me think twice before beginning a project…

The standard marriage vows admonishing women to obey their husbands may need a complete overhaul. How about replacing them with the Albert Camus quote, “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me, and be my friend.”